Lesson Learned

Dear Lesson Learned-

My fear of commitment stems from fear of losing my sense of self by being stuck with something I can’t get out of and having it define who I am.  I’m afraid of losing my sense of self because I believe I’m not strong enough as a person and centered on who I am.  I am running from commitments instead of facing my problems and taking control of my life.  What I need to realize is, there is not a whole lot I can’t control. I control my thoughts, and although it’s impossible to control feelings, I control how I react to my feelings. I control what I choose to see and not see, I control my decisions and choices. The only thing I can’t control is other people’s actions; however, I can control how I react to their actions. 

These are MY choices, MY decisions and MY commitments.  I need to stay true to who I am and not succumb to my negatives thought patterns and external opinions.  I let other people’s thoughts control me because I can’t control my own. I am seeking answers everywhere else because I refuse to look within myself, swallow my pride, stop blaming other people and stop self-loathing.  I need to forgive myself for making the same repeated mistakes and forgive other people for mistakes and wrongdoings they have done to me.

I am not perfect, other people are not perfect.  We live in a world of sin, hatred, dishonesty and selfishness.  It is hard to stay centered and true to who you are in this world when you are being torn in different directions, including your own thoughts, and temptation is thrown at you.  It is even harder when you are unsure of your true self and hold on to negative emotions.

Happiness, forgiveness, acceptance, belief in yourself, are all things that no one else can give you.  You can’t find it in a job, you can’t find it within a relationship, you can’t find it within hope for the future or memories from the past, it’s 100% within yourself.  No one can give it to you and no one can take it from you.

If I keep looking to relationships and other people for my answer, it will be the same spiraling mistakes I have done in my past and I will continue to blame other people for why I am not happy. Things that happen are not by chance, not because of “destiny.” They are done as a direct result of choices and decisions you make in your life.  We have free will, we have the power of choice, and we control where our lives go.

My life is up to me.

The Loveable,

Rebecca